I generally try not to think about one thing too much during the day. I like to try to have control over what I focus my thoughts on, and I think I have a good hold on doing that. But, frequently I become overwhelmed with one thing or another. Lately I've been on a bit of a roll at work, and I've been thinking about it alot. When I come home, I'm still thinking about what has happened during the day, and what I'm doing the next time I go in.
Some things, like the idea of buying my first car, have been looming around my mind for a long time. Basically, since I moved away from home, I've been thinking of how I can make a car a reality for myself. I know it's coming soon, but it seems not soon enough. Anyways, you get the idea; it can consume my thoughts some days.
So, I've been trying not to think about her for the last few days and weeks. I know I love thinking about her, but for my own sake, I'm trying not to become completely entwined in thoughts of her. It's hard to do that when I come back home to e-mails from her. And when my friends ask about her. And basically whenever I come home (because I pass by her workplace on my way home from downtown). And I even have a good reason for trying to keep my mind off of her: when I think about her for too long, I get really scared. All my bravado and machoisms, and absolutely all my cockiness are toast when I think about her for a while. I'm hoping that's a good sign, because it must mean that I really like her. Either that or she's eliciting some sort of reinforced behaviour, kinda like a gag reflex. I think it's the former. But I still don't like it. Being scared isn't something I do alot. Which is why I write about it all here. Not because I want you to be curious about her, or for good ratings on my website (but please don't stop visiting). I just need to think that I've told someone about it, and because I'm not one to do that kind of thing in real life, I do it here.
I have no idea whether my idea that this summer is like the summer after high school is correct or not. But for my own sake, I really hope I'm right. And thanks for asking about her, but I'll tell you about her in time.
~Gerson
Some things, like the idea of buying my first car, have been looming around my mind for a long time. Basically, since I moved away from home, I've been thinking of how I can make a car a reality for myself. I know it's coming soon, but it seems not soon enough. Anyways, you get the idea; it can consume my thoughts some days.
So, I've been trying not to think about her for the last few days and weeks. I know I love thinking about her, but for my own sake, I'm trying not to become completely entwined in thoughts of her. It's hard to do that when I come back home to e-mails from her. And when my friends ask about her. And basically whenever I come home (because I pass by her workplace on my way home from downtown). And I even have a good reason for trying to keep my mind off of her: when I think about her for too long, I get really scared. All my bravado and machoisms, and absolutely all my cockiness are toast when I think about her for a while. I'm hoping that's a good sign, because it must mean that I really like her. Either that or she's eliciting some sort of reinforced behaviour, kinda like a gag reflex. I think it's the former. But I still don't like it. Being scared isn't something I do alot. Which is why I write about it all here. Not because I want you to be curious about her, or for good ratings on my website (but please don't stop visiting). I just need to think that I've told someone about it, and because I'm not one to do that kind of thing in real life, I do it here.
I have no idea whether my idea that this summer is like the summer after high school is correct or not. But for my own sake, I really hope I'm right. And thanks for asking about her, but I'll tell you about her in time.
~Gerson
<< Home