I have to use this pensieve more often. My mind has been racing at night lately, and sleep has been hard to get enough of. Last night I just lay there from 1 to 4, and I even felt tired, but I couldn't fall asleep.
I keep grasping at ideas during the days, thinking of good things that I hope will happen. They're not far fetchedor anything, but I wonder if that's constructive or detrimental overall. If I'm just a lazy person who has great ideas, well, that's a waste of great ideas. I guess we just try as hard as we can, or we just do whatever we do and it has to be accepted.
Speaking of acceptance, there' s a difference between the word acceptance and the word tolerate. You can tolerate lots but not accept any of it. Like tolerating mistakes that kids make by not locking them up for life, but not accepting their mistakes. It's not good that tolerance is used synonymously with acceptance, because it creates false logic like "well, I tolerate people using drugs around me, so I accept the fact that people use drugs." That immediately leads to "Drugs are acceptable by me," even though you don't actually accept their use. Too much tolerance isn't good; it progressively leads to acceptance of lots of stuff that if we were to think about, we would neve accept. Basically, tolerance should be a last resort. It's a good last resort, but it shouldn't be sought after. Good should be sought after. Tolerance is only a protection against complete rejection, which doesn't help in seeking the good. Make sense? The easy way to explain what I'm trying to say is: Do good, avoid bad. And if there is unavoidable bad, then tolerate it only as much as you have to, but never accept it. There. I should have said that in the beginning.
That was long-winded, which I think characterizes how I talk. Another way to characterize how I talk is: alot. And I'm starting to see how much I mumble and blur words together. In my mind everything is clear and at the right speed. But I can't even get a sentence out lately without slurring or mumbling part of it. I think it's the millions of things that I have on my mind that's making me need to speak faster and do work faster and basically keep at a really high level of activity. This is probably a pure sign that I need to take some time off from work and everything and just have a few days to myself.
But I don't want "myself" time. I want to keep doing stuff. I want to keep going. In fact, lately i've been thinking of adding a few more things to my schedule and cutting out the garbage that I have in my daily routine. Actually, cutting out the garbage all together is a great idea. And it's been ongoing for a while now. i'm sure there will be a cleansing of sorts soon. It's not that I need to completely ravamp my life, but I do want to have quality in there rather than quantity. I'm getting better at seeing what people actually think of me. I'm less naiive about how I'm regarded. Sometimes I can actually hear people laughing at stuff about me, so I've lost some of my strut and cockiness. It's still there, but it's in the background a little more now. It'll get better.
In the meantime, whether it's the bad sleep or the fact that I'm catching up with my thoughts, I've been making some sharp comments and astute remarks. I haven't done that in a little while, so I feel good that I mustn't be so stressed as I was before. Maybe it's some of the self-realization working. I wish I had a few days to just think and catch up on thinking. But I'll work on it slowly and get to where I can, when I can.
~Gers-O
I keep grasping at ideas during the days, thinking of good things that I hope will happen. They're not far fetchedor anything, but I wonder if that's constructive or detrimental overall. If I'm just a lazy person who has great ideas, well, that's a waste of great ideas. I guess we just try as hard as we can, or we just do whatever we do and it has to be accepted.
Speaking of acceptance, there' s a difference between the word acceptance and the word tolerate. You can tolerate lots but not accept any of it. Like tolerating mistakes that kids make by not locking them up for life, but not accepting their mistakes. It's not good that tolerance is used synonymously with acceptance, because it creates false logic like "well, I tolerate people using drugs around me, so I accept the fact that people use drugs." That immediately leads to "Drugs are acceptable by me," even though you don't actually accept their use. Too much tolerance isn't good; it progressively leads to acceptance of lots of stuff that if we were to think about, we would neve accept. Basically, tolerance should be a last resort. It's a good last resort, but it shouldn't be sought after. Good should be sought after. Tolerance is only a protection against complete rejection, which doesn't help in seeking the good. Make sense? The easy way to explain what I'm trying to say is: Do good, avoid bad. And if there is unavoidable bad, then tolerate it only as much as you have to, but never accept it. There. I should have said that in the beginning.
That was long-winded, which I think characterizes how I talk. Another way to characterize how I talk is: alot. And I'm starting to see how much I mumble and blur words together. In my mind everything is clear and at the right speed. But I can't even get a sentence out lately without slurring or mumbling part of it. I think it's the millions of things that I have on my mind that's making me need to speak faster and do work faster and basically keep at a really high level of activity. This is probably a pure sign that I need to take some time off from work and everything and just have a few days to myself.
But I don't want "myself" time. I want to keep doing stuff. I want to keep going. In fact, lately i've been thinking of adding a few more things to my schedule and cutting out the garbage that I have in my daily routine. Actually, cutting out the garbage all together is a great idea. And it's been ongoing for a while now. i'm sure there will be a cleansing of sorts soon. It's not that I need to completely ravamp my life, but I do want to have quality in there rather than quantity. I'm getting better at seeing what people actually think of me. I'm less naiive about how I'm regarded. Sometimes I can actually hear people laughing at stuff about me, so I've lost some of my strut and cockiness. It's still there, but it's in the background a little more now. It'll get better.
In the meantime, whether it's the bad sleep or the fact that I'm catching up with my thoughts, I've been making some sharp comments and astute remarks. I haven't done that in a little while, so I feel good that I mustn't be so stressed as I was before. Maybe it's some of the self-realization working. I wish I had a few days to just think and catch up on thinking. But I'll work on it slowly and get to where I can, when I can.
~Gers-O
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