I met an old friend recently, and it came up in conversation that I should go and contact some old friends of mine that I've lost contact with. I used to try to do that - keep in touch with everyone. Literally everyone. I have e-mails from years ago that are "how's it going?" type e-mails. But then I became bitter and jaded and disillusioned and all those other great words that people like to call themselves, and I gave up doing that. I used to love introducing people to people. After all, $50 000 for every marriage started by me isn't chump change.

I used to think that people who didn't want to keep in touch with me weren't worth the time spent trying to keep in touch with them. Now I'm sure of it.

There are people who I don't see for many months on end, but then I see, and those times are great. Those people are friends. We keep in touch because, as Aristotle said, we are friends due to mutual intrinsic gain realized. Basically, we're friends because we make each other happy.

There are 2 other kinds of friends too (according to good old Ari). One of them is the friendship that is present for some sort of gain. We've seen those. The person who's friends with someone more popular to gain some sort of acceptance by others. The people who are your friend so that they have someone to call when they're bored, or when they're sad, or when they just want someone to listen to them. The friendship that exists because one person has money. There are lots of examples.

I can't remember the other type of friendship, but it was something bad too. Basically the only good one is the mutual intrinsic gain realized one. You're friends because you want to be, because you make each other happy, because you're naturally attracted to each other. Sure, this friendship also has people accepting each other, and listening to each other, and entertaining each other, and cheering each other up like those characteristics of a bad friendship. But this is different because the reason behind doing all of those things isn't for personal gain: it's for the other person's gain.

So, when I think about those people who are past friends, I think about what kind of friendship I have/had with them. And 100% of them are of the bad kind. None of them are for the other person's gain. They're always one way. And usually I'm not benefitting out of those friendships. And even though I wasn't before, now I'm not just putting up with it for the good of the other person. So for those people who are past friends, and for those who will become past friends, and for your past friends and past friends-of-yours-to-be, consider what kind of friendship you have. Is it a good one?


~Gers-O