Not surprisingly, I can't sleep.

I talked to her tonight. The first time we actually connected on the phone. And let me tell you, my new nickname should be Awkwar. As in, the king of awkwardness. I said some of the most retarded things. I don't think I'm particularly bad at talking to people. But man, I couldn't string together 2 coherent sentences. Literally. I had to use one sentence at a time and then wait for a response.

I disconnected with a so-so feeling inside me. I felt like it was amazing that we talked about the stuff we talked about, and then I felt like kicking myself for saying some of the things I said. But, I'll assume that I'm being too hard on myself, and that I came off at least a little bit charming for asking about little things that I know are important to her. And I asked not because I wanted to come off as caring or deep, but because I actually was interested in knowing the answers.

I think that's the difference with her. I actually care whether things go well or not. I can't just brush off the idea of not being with her. I've been told that I'm setting myself up for disaster. Well, only 15 hours to find out if that's true.

~Gers-O